ashes and wine

romans 6:1 what shall we say then? are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 by no means! how can we who died to sin still live in it? 3 do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 we were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

5 for if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6 we know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. 7 for one who has died has been set free from sin. 8 now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9 we know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. 10 for the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. 11 so you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

12 let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. 13 do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. 14 for sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

promise.

Yours, truly

how
unwavering, unfailing, perfect, extravagant, exquisite,
magnificent, amazing, beautiful, great, lavish, priceless,
extraordinary, precious, effusive, ornate, flawless,
exemplary, unrivaled, limitless, ultimate, impeccable,
marvelous, delightful, ravishing, powerful, intoxicating,
passionate, ardent, irresistible, potent, compelling,
dramatic, costly, surprising, overwhelming, stunning,
phenomenal, astounding, astonishing, noteworthy,
exceptional, monumental, unparalleled, infinite,
sufficient, ample, never ending, eternal, generous,
relentless, natural, pure, forgiving, satisfying, full,
awesome, contagious, exemplary, quintessential,
sweet, tasteful, calming, peaceful, gentle, paradoxical,
graceful, merciful, compassionate, unbridled, captivating
is Your love.

will we ever have enough adjectives to describe it?

shoot the moon

the alchemist picked up a book that someone in the caravan had brought. leafing through the pages, he found a story about Narcissus.
the alchemist knew the legend of Narcissus, a youth who knelt daily beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty. he was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. at the spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called the narcissus.
but this was not how the author of the book ended the story.
he said that when Narcissus died, the goddesses of the forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears.
"why do you weep?" the goddesses asked.
"I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied.
"ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus," they said, "for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand."
"but...was Narcissus beautiful?" the lake asked.
"who better than you to know that?" the goddesses said in wonder. "after all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself."
the lake was silent for some time. finally it said:
"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."
"what a lovely story," the alchemist thought.

The Alchemist had a good number of lovely quotes, and a lovely ending. I thought this prologue was the best part of the whole story. really imaginative and clever. certain parts in the book were a bit lost in translation, I feel. but overall, the story made me smile.

it's been quite a while since I've last posted, and November is at a close.
precious time, where have you gone?

"remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure."

easy come, easy go

lately, I have been very much in like with The Big Bang Theory. everything about the show is just hilarious. and each episode is short and sweet.

speaking of sweet, peppermint bark is back in my life. oh, happiness. I love peppermint season!

am I the only one who thinks that chickfilA is overrated? I felt that the huge hunk of chicken did not belong in a sandwich. but that peppermint shake was really delicious.

about two weeks ago, I decided to crochet a blanket. since I was still in the learning process, there were a great many mistakes. so I decided to start anew, and have improved quite profusely, if I may say so myself. I'll post a picture soon.

after watching the Corella Ballet performance last night, I wish I were really good at ballet. taking a beginning ballet class and learning about all the terms and movements, I've grown a great appreciation for this particular dance form.

senioritis keeps bothering me every so often. sometimes, I just want to eat peppermint bark, crochet, and watch TBBT all day.

I've been so wrapped up in mere trifles.



grant me faith to walk on oceans deep.

kaleidoscope heart

x the flu has finally found its way to my immune system. time to fight.
x I get such a kick out of the grammar jokes that my professor gives us:
"q: why do we do these sentence patterns? a: just beclause"
x so thankful for getting into the writing minor. praise God!
x crocheting is very fun, but such a slow process.
x deuteronomy 28: 1-14
x my winnie the pooh checkbook is so cute. I don't find many excuses to use checks though.
x I feel an urge to go somewhere where there's snow.
x almost November. my, my how the time flies.

precious moments

besides the brief bouts of sunshine, today is a perfect damien rice sort of day: nine crimes, piping hot green tea, and a couch to snuggle on.
it's beautiful how God controls so many different types of weather all at once.
like His very own symphony.

you should know by now
that your darkest hour
is when your broken heart goes down
it's a bitter end
when the sweet begins
grace is sufficiency

but, oh dear, we'll never deserve it
no dear, we never could earn it
now, here, the choice is yours

who are you gonna be?
when you're on your knees, who do you believe?
fear is a lonely man
you've been given innocence
you've been given innocence again

beauty for ashes

decided: that switchfoot's the beautiful letdown is my ultimate favorite album
dreading: jury duty nonsense
inspired by: "perfect love casts out fear"
in need of: more time
realizing: that I need to snap back to reality
recognizing: less of me; more of Him
feeling: lazy due to the gloom and doom weather
falling: in love with winter clothing
conflicted: by the two extremes of this world
convicted: to be His faithful bride

let my foolish pride forever let me down

tongue and cheek

earlier today, I conducted an interview, and as I am listening to the playback of the audio recording, I realize how many "um"s and "like"s I use in a normal conversation. makes me cringe a little when I hear how many times these words have been uttered in the span of ten minutes. therefore, I have decided to make a conscious effort to eliminate these excess and unnecessary words from my vocabulary.

It's Kind of a Funny Story is a good movie. witty humor. diverse and intriguing characters. a predictable, yet cute, story. I found out through the credits that this, too, was a movie based on a book (see last blog post).

currently reading: Jhumpa Lahiri's Interpreter of Maladies
currently thinking about: how to write a great magazine article
currently remembering: girl's night out with a bestie ♥
currently debating: whether or not I should subscribe a year's worth of The New Yorker or just six month's worth
currently deciding: not to care about certain things and situations
currently: content

connect the dots

I. am. so. sore.
I literally feel like someone beat me up last night, and I'm feeling the effects of it right now. full force.
my gait is funky, and my arms can barely raise themselves.
tb practice rocked me today.

but anyway,

so can someone explain to me this exploding trend of making books into movies? almost every movie that's coming out these days is "adapted by [said book]" or "based on [said book]" and frankly, it's a little annoying. the reason: they suck [by they, I mean the movies]. granted, it should be flattering to the authors, because film producers/directors are intrigued by the story of which they have decided to make a movie. however, I find it hard to believe that authors would be one hundred percent pleased with how the movie turns out. something is always left out. the ending is more "Hollywood-appropriate." and the list goes on. and now I hear horrible things about Never Let Me Go [the movie rendition] and it makes me sad, because the book is so beautiful.

on another note, the social network was an amazing movie. very well done. thought-provoking. new man crush: Andrew Garfield. so very cute.

I need more wisdom to deal with the situations I am currently faced with.

stuff of dreams

I really don't know how or when I became a sci-fi nerd, but it happened. the transformation probably dates a couple years back, when I first picked up The Elementary Particles and loved it. a few days ago, my honors thesis adviser recommended Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro, and I've been hooked on it ever since last night and just finished it now, even though I have so much grammar to study for.

a considerable amount of time has passed since I've come across a book that I haven't been able to put down, and this was the one to break that spell. really, it's a thrill when you start flipping through the pages and you just simply refuse to get your butt off the couch until that very last line of the very last page has been read. gosh, who would have thought to create such a story? it's so chilling, yet exhilarating at the same time.

but anyway, kudos to you Mr. Ishiguro. you really tapped into something deeper. the simultaneous meshing of and deterioration of love and sex. blurred boundaries. clones. brainwashing. donations. it's all so dramatic. and tragic. but how far away are we from these ideas really?

The New Yorker gave the movie a pretty horrible review, but I'm still excited to watch it. the trailer draws me in deeper and deeper every time.

back to reality for now though. grammar and stylistics time!

pocketful of sunshine

new school year, new hairstyle.
I have a huge crush on my grammar and stylistics professor. he is so nerdy and cute. makes learning about grammar even more fun that it already is.
so much to do. but apathy and anxiety switch off so often that it gets confusing.
miscommunications, misunderstandings, and wrongful assumptions are truly horrible.
words of encouragements are so comforting. even the smallest of phrases.
ballet shoes are fun to try on.
jealousy is an ugly color on anyone.
not a huge fan of kpop, but this song has been on repeat for two whole days.
after some careful deliberation, I have decided to tackle Ulysses. don't disappoint me, Joyce.

"it is the easiest thing in the world in times of difficulty to let the heart be troubled; it is very natural to us to give up and drift with the stream, to feel that it is of no use 'taking arms against' such 'a sea of trouble,' but that it is better to lie passive and to say, 'if one must be ruined, so let it be' [...] your unbelief makes you forget that still health remains to you if poverty oppresses you; or that if both health and abundance have departed, you are a child of God, and your name is not blotted out from the roll of the chosen." -Charles Spurgeon

measure in love

life is really funny.

I got my roommates hooked on speed scrabble. we are so intense.
Easy A is cute. Emma Stone is so pretty.
insanity is truly an insane workout. my legs still burn.
yoga and healthy eating have been a daily part of my life.
season premiere of Chuck was entertaining. is anyone else a bit tired of Glee? excited for the Bones premiere.
I got to see a closeup of the moon and Jupiter last night through a mega telescope. it was awesome.
almost done with season 1 marathon of arrested development.
got a ridiculous parking ticket and had it appealed. thank goodness.
amazing qt's help me through even the slightest hardships.
emotions can get the best of us sometimes.
in every possible way, God is so good. so amazing. so lovely.

less is more

back in sb. unpacking and rearranging things at my new place, I realized that I didn't bring too much up from home. though I did forget to bring many things, I actually like this semi-emptiness very much. trying to live with a more minimalist mindset. trying to cut back on loving excess. ie: certain foods, things, clothes, emotions. trying to cut out the unnecessaries.

"set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." colossians 3:2

walking across campus today, I noticed how young everyone looked. judging from my surprise, I guess it didn't really hit me until I saw the proof with my own eyes. I. am. getting. older. we're now at the top of the heap [in our undergraduate college life at least].

letting things go.

uncharted territories

yesterday, a bee landed on my shirt. then it went onto my braid. then it dropped off its stinger in my hair. and was flicked off immediately to its death in a nearby bush. whew, I am still a bee sting virgin.

this really cracked me up. and this.

Going the Distance is a surprisingly funny movie. but romcoms do not do me much good in the end. do they do anyone much good?

my latest obsession has been with Grey's Anatomy. so much drama packed into one short hour! how is it that without fail, every episode makes me cry, even if it's just a little?

as I look around my room, I absolutely love it. and yet, I think that I can never say that it'll be one hundred percent complete. there will always be additions, or removals, or rearrangements to be made. and I think that I'll be okay with that. very soon, I'll have a new room to decorate.

"and Mary said, 'behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.'" luke 1:38
still got a long way to go.

keeping count

yesterday, I...
had afternoon tea
had a mini tapas celebration of bacon wrapped dates, green beans with almonds, buttered cucumbers, and mojo salmon
painted my nails red
watched Amelie for the hundredth time (love it more each time)
tried to read Thomas More's Utopia and got bored

today, I...
woke up from a nightmare
read some short stories
bought some long-sleeves from gap
watered my plant

tomorrow, I...
will hopefully wake up in time for yoga
will see what life has in store for me!

hakuna matata

labor day weekend in Vegas was really fun.
a few notables:

+Grimaldi's pizzeria and Nielsen's custard. I can't believe they opened these two places in Vegas! and right next to each other! I wasn't able to try Grimaldi's in Brooklyn and was a little sad, but I did try Nielsen's in VA and it was as delicious here as it was there. happiness.
+the deal or no deal slot machine. my mom and I spent like a good three hours a day there (two days=six hours=so much fun).
+The Lion King musical. Wicked is still my fave hands down, but this one was pretty good too. there were some long and dreary parts though. I really want to see Beauty and the Beast next.
+good food. good laughs. good shopping. good sleep.

since restaurant week was in town, we decided to try L'Atelier by Joel Robuchon. supposedly the chef is renowned, but it paled in comparison to Picasso, which we tried three weeks ago for my birthday. actually, not to sound pompous, but it didn't even compare! but it was fun to laugh about how the best thing at L'Atelier was its bread basket.

upon finishing The Handmaid's Tale, I felt a little, well, unsatisfied. it's as if Atwood took the easy way out by leaving it so open-ended. usually I like it when the reader gets to decide how the story ends, but this one felt so rushed and incomplete. disappointed.

two more weeks till school. boy oh boy.

the dog days

yesterday & today

yesterday, while I was picking up some sunflowers for a gift, I decided to indulge myself with a bunch of beautiful irises. I'm more of a peony/hydrangea kind of girl, but yesterday, these violet beauties caught my eye. aren't they lovely?

speaking of yesterday, I ate an entire plate of lomo saltado at Mario's last night. and my stomach is still displeased. I think I'm gonna have to give up meat for a while. sadness.

just started The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. it's definitely a striking storyline. looking forward to how it can help my senior thesis argument.

today at the optometrist, I found out that my eyesight is great, but my eyes could develop some glaucoma kind of thing that could perchance cause blindness in the long run if not treated. as I heard the sad news, I realize how all of our bodies are breaking down, slowly but surely. our imperfections are made so manifest in both small and big ways.

since I've gotten back from the east coast, I've been so very lazy. but soon the dog days will be over. so I should enjoy it now, right?

on a happier note, I'm going to watch Lion King this weekend!! excited!

milk+honey

today
irvine spectrum. chipotle. milk+honey. catching up. laughing. with a bestie. ♥.

arrested development
the other day, I decided to start an AD marathon. it's even funnier the second time around. currently I'm on season 1 episode 6.

Chanel
I find it hilarious when my puppy chases after her tail. yes, all dogs do it. but when Chanel does it, it really cracks me up. she wags it furiously, and just when her peripherals catch a glimpse of white, she becomes a circling white blob.

the missing piece
recently, I received a birthday present: The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein. I have most of his works, and love a lot of them. but it just so happened that I didn't have this one in my collection. reading it as an adult, I find it so fascinating. as cliché as it sounds, I really feel like I can relate. I, too, am searching for my missing piece. but for the time being, I'm content with stopping to smell the flowers and with enjoying this time of singleness.

tapas
I really enjoy meals that come in small portions. omakase. prix fixe. tasting menus. tapas. after trying tapas for the first time for my birthday, I decided to buy a book filled with hundreds of tapas recipes. maybe I'll throw a small tapas celebration soon. with some sangria. mmmmm.

ihop
one of these days, I would like to visit ihop: international house of prayer. not of pancakes. I hear some pretty amazing things about it. care to join me?

fear
training myself to fear the Lord. nothing else. easier said than done, of course.

family matters

this is my family [or three-fourths of it at least]

for the past few days since I've been back, I have had no desire to do anything but to stay at home and do nothing. something about being constantly on the go for a week makes me want to get back in touch with my introvert.

anyway, today I got out of the house because it was my grandpa's 94th birthday celebration. being surrounded by grandparents, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and good food, I felt such a perfect combination of peace and joy. every time we get together, there is tangible proof that God is blessing each and every one of us (and there are quite a few of us).

my youngest aunt and uncle decided to retire as the head pastor at gnc and go to China to look over and live with 12 disabled children in a rural city. as they were sharing with us where they would be going and about the lives of these children and of the great faith that each of them had in our God, I felt a great wave of emotion. first, admiration for my aunt and uncle and second, hope and love for the children there. their willingness to serve even after years and years of serving others is so encouraging. I told them that if God wills it, I would love to go to China to see the kids and to help out one of these days.

I love my family.

the unexamined life

back from my east coast adventures, I can say that no matter where I go in the world for however long, I think I'll always be a California girl at heart. don't get me wrong, NY was great and all. but I just love Cali too much.

highlights from my trip:
+winning the lottery for Wicked and getting front row seats for $25
+bike tour of central park
+rose-lychee macaron [macaron cafe]
+thin crust pizza [fornino pizzeria, brooklyn]
+walking around everywhere
+no tax shopping!
+vintage leather coach purse for $25 [hell's kitchen flea market]
+peking duck [peking gourmet inn, virginia]

lowlights:
-creepy men
-slippery floors in bars=my travel partner tearing her ligament
-lack of bathrooms
-having only 30 minutes to tour the Met
-being broke at the end of it all

just in closing, I want to thank God for being so wonderfully good to me.
everything was perfectly ordained by Him. therefore, everything, whether "good" or "bad" was simply that: perfect.

blessed be Your name

I just had one of the best weeks ever.

spending my twenty-first with:
the most amazing parents
the most amazing girlfriends
the most amazing friends
the most amazing church family

eating at:
lizarran tapas, downtown fullerton
picasso in bellagio, las vegas
father's office, culver city
yard house, brea
cpk, brea

praising God at debriefing retreat with:
a pretty amazing band of people who love and fear the Lord
new friends and old friends

catching up with:
friends whom I haven't seen in a while
friends I've seen all summer

basically, I am so very blessed.
and all I can think about when I recap this week is this:
every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise.
I love you Jesus.

thank you everyone who made my birthday so special.
for the birthday wishes, gifts, texts, phone calls, dinners, lunches, drinks, and love.
I am so grateful for all of you.
♥

off to new york.
see you in two weeks!

everything is alright

hello august.

today was a productive day for my mind. after dwelling upon The Giver, I found inspiration for my senior thesis idea. and after re-reading Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, that idea has been confirmed. for the sake of time, I'll just say that it's delving into the idea of emotions in the posthumanist realm. I really hope I just stay with this one.

what I needed was a day to just be apart from the outside world. today was the day. it felt really good. watched three hours of grey's anatomy. then scribbled my thesis idea onto the blank pages of my mustard yellow notebook.

I really love dystopic / futuristic texts. a far cry for a girl who loves pride&prejudice. who says one can't love two extremes?

instead of the lemonade cleanse, I opted for the grapefruit detox. it isn't too bad. and I don't do too well with programs that require me to forego solid foods.

only a week left until I turn the big 2-1. it's kind of nerve wracking.

I'm excited to check out the Melrose flea market this Sunday. hope I find a lot of vintage goodies!

paradigm shift

as I crawled into bed at around 1230 last night, I decided to read a chapter of Big God (book #4) and then start The Giver. I promised myself to read only until 1, because I've been sleeping so late. like almost everybody, I had read this book at least twice in my life, once in junior high and once in high school. but this time around, it felt so much more profound. it's been a while since I've picked up a book and refused to put it down until I've finished. last night, I went to sleep at 245, when I had flipped the last page of The Giver and finally set it down.

it's an extraordinary thing when one rereads a text years later and finds that it has changed. or to be more precise, that one's own self has changed. let me explain.

when I had first read The Giver, I had felt optimistic about the outcome. surely Jonas and Gabriel made it to Elsewhere and have started a new life there. but reading the story again, I couldn't help but feel sadness for their dismal ends. and especially after watching movies like inception, I wondered if the "escape" was all a dream, and Jonas was still trapped in his twisted utopia.

the text is exactly the same as it was from years back. there has been no new version printed since 1993 when it was published. however, I, the reader, have changed. my thoughts, my perceptions, my analyses have become, in a sense, less innocent. and less optimistic.

after finishing the story, I continued on to the pages marked "A Conversation with Lois Lowry" and found this question and answer very interesting:

Q. Is it an optimistic ending? Does Jonas survive?
A. I will say that I find it an optimistic ending. How could it not be an optimistic ending, a happy ending, when that house is there with its lights on and music is playing? So I'm always kind of surprised and disappointed when some people tell me that they think the boy and the baby just die. I don't think they die. What form their new life takes is something I like people to figure out themselves. And each person will give it a different ending. I think they're out there somewhere and I think that their life has changed and their life is happy, and I would like to think that's true for the people they left behind as well.

I just don't buy it. it's coming from the author's voice herself, and yet, I can't bring myself to accept it. the magical sled on top of the hill--how did it get there? the scene was straight out of the memory that he received. the snow-topped hill and even down to the twinkling lights. it just seems so, unreal.

regardless, I realize why this is one of my favorite books. it's so imaginative and clever. and two hours went by like nothing.

I want to join a book club.

eat me!

coconut cake with chocolate chunks and coconut drizzle

finally baked something today. our little baking date turned into a full-on three course meal. and it was delicious.
1. sauteed green beans&bacon
2. lemon chicken with croutons
3. the cake seen above

I've been eating so well lately. thinking about going on the lemonade cleanse soon. detox my body.

while we were cooking, Court showed me this site where a guy writes his theory about what he thought inception was about. it's so crazy. I totally agree with it.
read me!

prince charming

after some consideration, I have decided that Zachary Levi > all boys.
nerdy, tall, cute, funny, older, CHRISTIAN, AND a singer?!
I think he just might be the closest thing to my ideal...
seriously.

read this

and watch this:

dime a dozen

I really like my vbs kids. they make me feel young. the girls are cute and different in their own special way. and the boys call me emo cause I wear eyeliner. I find that hysterical.
snl shorts have been my daily source of laughter. andy samberg is so hilarious.
I've been getting into bones. the relationship between bones and booth is unrealistic, but I love it.
cleaning out my room, and also the garage and such, I realize that I have too much stuff. it's like never ending.
as I'm getting ready for my trip to NY, I've been looking at vintage suitcases. love them.
the scientist seems to follow me around everywhere lately. whenever I hear it, I smile.
finally bought a cake pan. now I need to use it. soon. gonna bake me a cake !
I was really craving the potato pancakes at ohop. it was fulfilled today. delicious.
inception was quite entertaining. jgl was so hot. even though he's kinda weird in real life.
God is really faithful. when you really sit down and pray earnestly, he hears. and more importantly, he answers.

lost and found

I quite enjoyed this.

just do something

this past week was a starting point for many things.

1. yoga. I decided to start taking yoga classes again. my body definitely missed it.

2. eating healthier. recently, I learned that carrot juice is a great prevention device against cancer and all sorts of other diseases. so I decided to drink a glass every morning. it's been really great. eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast has been good too. keeps my metabolism flowing throughout the day.

3. Big God by Britt Merrick. it's so interesting reading a book by a man who I've actually seen, heard and conversed with. I am liking it thus far. book #4.

4. praying more. I'm so thankful for this past weekend's college retreat. in the midst of the chill atmosphere (and I don't mean the weather, because it was 115 degrees where we were staying), I was very blessed by the times of genuine prayer and sharing.

5. a few convictions. they're a bit more personal. I hope to constantly remind myself of them.

apart from these, all I have to say is that I must watch inception very very soon. joseph gordon-levitt is calling my name. as is leo. and the story line looks intriguing too.

and I booked my tickets to NY for mid-august. excited!


"consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." luke 12:27

home sweet home

Canada was beautiful. but I truly missed home. and Chanel.
you learn to appreciate home after you've been abroad for a bit.

I finished Life of Pi during the six days of traveling. it was witty and tragic at the same time. enjoyable, but I'm still trying to soak in everything. I immediately felt like going to a zoo upon finishing it. I'm still thinking about what book #4 will be.

there's a considerable amount of sunlight even at 9:30pm. but shops close extremely early. around 7 or 8.

the legal drinking age is 19. thus, I took the opportunity to try out a few drinks.
there isn't much to do at night, so my parents and I went around to local pubs and bars and did a lot of eating and drinking. needless to say, I gained some weight that I must lose immediately.
1. white russian-didn't enjoy it. it was too strong for me.
2. appletini-sour and sweet. delicious.
3. strawberry daquiri-YUMS.
4. guinness beer-too strong and thick for my taste.
5. icewine-so good! I usually hate wine, but this type of dessert wine is really sweet.



there are very many lakes in Canada. I found out there are about 3 million. beautiful landscapes.

we saw a black bear, a momma grizzly bear and her two cubs, a grown deer, and a family of mountain goats.

houses are furnished with a great many windows. I loved that about the country. large windows are my favorite. but the weather is much too cold to live. California weather has spoiled me. although, I don't know what's going on these days. I expected it to be blazing hot when I got back, but it's been surprisingly chilly. hoping for warmer weather.

bon voyage!

to Canada!
happy independence day America.

climbing brick walls

finished The Last Lecture last night. I truly admire Randy Pausch.
some good quotes:

"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."

"brick walls are there for a reason. they give us a chance to show how badly we want something."

"time is finite...[it] must be explicitly managed, like money."

"we cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."

the last one really hit home for me. lately, I've been battling this whole "finding peace in where you are" type of deal. sometimes, it's really hard to be one hundred percent content with where you are in life. but this book helped to remind me that I have the choice to steer my life positively or negatively, depending on how I think and act with the cards I've been dealt. it's a pretty obvious concept, but we're all human, and we can all use a little reminder once in a while. especially me. I've really got to start climbing the brick walls that are set out for me. all this time, I've been too lazy.

today as I was browsing through Borders, I came across a book called 1000 Books to Read Before You Die. now that caught my attention. flipping through the pages, there were books I had already read, books that I will probably never read in my lifetime, and books that I wrote down on my list to read in the future. one of the books I put on my list is The Life of Pi by Yann Martel. after TLL, I felt an urge to read something with some adventure. so I picked up Martel's work. it will serve as book #3.

in my QT series, we are finally finishing jeremiah and venturing into hebrews. I am seriously so happy. jeremiah was great and all, but it just felt very...repetitive. I love hebrews.

I have yet to bake or cook anything. but the time will come soon. hopefully.

heavy boots

just finished EL&IC. I probably shouldn't have stayed up so late, because my dad wants to watch the game in five hours. but it was definitely an interesting read. filled my mind with a great many thoughts. on to the next...perchance The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.

I decided to paint my nails and toes. toes are so much easier to paint. after messing up a great deal on my fingernails, I realized why people often go to nail salons. they are made for people like me, who do not hold much patience or perseverance for nail painting. and it doesn't help that dark colors are a pain to erase.

I can't seem to decide whether or not I like certain people. it's a weird dilemma.

who invented post-its? what a great invention.

one thing I really enjoy: bike riding in peaceful, pretty places.
another thing: worshiping Him when I'm all alone. I really should do it more often. get back into the groove.
and yet another: the gyro at olive pit.

I.must.watch.inception.july.16.please.be.good.

time is continuing to escape me. it's almost July already.

excited for Canada!

as of late

I'm extremely pleased with my grades this quarter.
project remodel-my-room is 90% complete, and I am loving the way it's turning out.
ikea is genius in a commercialized form.
I have found peace in not knowing.
nonchalance has become one of my favorite emotions. good or bad?
I've been involved in a love affair with coldplay.
I'm turning more and more into my mom everyday.
it takes me a long time to fall asleep. normal?
just started Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close--book one of my summer reading list.
toy story 3 exceeded my expectations.
love. patience. when?
time is a fickle pickle.
and He just keeps moving me along.

tickle my fancy

I have spent the last three hours looking at beautiful, creative bookshelves.
I've been dying to buy a new one for my room.
here are my faves:









so this last one I really love. it's called a staircase bookshelf, or the "secret staircase."
who would have thought to create stairs within a bookcase? genius!

I can't wait to have a library of my own...

striving after wind

"so I hated life, because what is done under the sun was grievous to me, for all is vanity and a striving of wind."
-ecclesiastes 2:17

as I look back on the past year, all I can say is
"my, how things have changed."

sheer genius

I enjoyed this a little too much.

Courtesy 2012 Survival Kit Videos

the audacity of hope

I really love the concept that God is a potter.
that we are the clay that he constantly works with is such beautiful imagery to me.
there is always hope for us; we are malleable and able to be formed in ways that we can't even possibly imagine in our narrow minds.
as long as we allow ourselves to be forever in the hands of God, we don't have to fear of hardening or becoming unfit to mold and shape.

if you think you're out of His hands, you're being fooled.
no matter how broken you are, He can make you beautiful.
have the audacity to hope.


so I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel.
but the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.
then the word of the Lord came to me.
"O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the Lord. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel."
jeremiah 18:3-6

smooth sailing

the safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.
-c.s. lewis

in memoriam

o death, where is your sting?
here, in the heart of ones left behind it lies.
joy and sorrow flow mingled together;
tears of sadness, tears of happiness
indistinguishable.

tears, selfish tears!
falling down like raindrops on a window
mourning the undeniable finality of earthly death.

cruel memory, bringing back the last line
over and over again
like a broken record,
"I will be there at your wedding. This isn't goodbye."

if the Lord wills, I prayed.
earnestly.
cold-hearted memory.

peace. there should be nothing but peace.
thank you Lord, for saving him
just before it was too late.

millions of miles away
this is all I can really do.
pour out my heart on a blank canvas
in remembrance of you.

I miss you, grandpa.
we'll meet again someday.
rest in peace.

a few of my favorite things

current faves:

+the spicy sensation that shoots up my nose after popping a wasabi pea in my mouth
+free time all to myself
+you're the reason by victoria justice
+trader joe's woven wheat wafers
+fresh oranges that are sweeter than candy
+what not to wear
+pride&prejudice-esque landscapes
+once wed
+bomb in a birdcage
+driving down the road less taken to spend some time with God

chamber of secrets

wishes. dreams.
sometimes they coincide with reality.
what was so beautiful is now strange and alarming.
itching. yearning. seeking to find out more.
but failing. limited. a glass ceiling of sorts.
where will I meet you again?

waiting. earnestly waiting.
anticipating. pausing. waiting.

falling. into what?
don't know. but I care.

the past. trying to reach the surface.
no. stay. where you belong.
it's over. gone. forgiven.

abnormal. strange.
what do I want?
don't know.

pause please. only a second.
play. fast forward. times twenty.

perchance. perchance.
ay, there's the rub.

what a tangled web we weave.

give and take

when you and I embrace surrender
when you and I choose to believe
then you and I will see
who we were meant to be

but why is it so hard to surrender?

and even harder to believe?

the silver lining

this is a picture of a caged tiger I took in Thailand.
when I see caged animals, it really makes my heart break.
they don't belong there.

but then again, I guess we don't belong here either.

silence is golden

"know this, my beloved brothers:
let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger"
james 1:19

trouble sleeping

jet lag.

I suppose I should be grateful.
it's the only thing that gets me awake at 6 in the morning to see the sun rise.

free me like a bird

lately, I've had an unexplainable obsession with birdcages.
something about them is exquisitely beautiful, and so tragic at the same time.

the glory days

as I gaze upon my ill-ridden grandfather in Korea, I can't help but feel an overwhelming sadness.
only about six months ago, he woke up at five in the morning to go hiking with his friends.
twenty years ago, he was still very wealthy and his health supported him.
and in the years before, he lived out his glory days.

now, it is difficult for him to move around the house, let alone walk around the great outdoors.
he's basically lost everything.
it's such a great change that I can't bring myself to accept it.

so what constitutes the period which people label "the glory days" ?

for my grandfather, it was marked by wealth, station, possessions, physical features and health. what's missing in that picture? to the world, nothing. to God, everything. the answer? salvation.
I think that as Christians, our greatest indicator should be our walks with God.
when He is the strongest factor in our lives, then that is when our lives should appear to be most glorious.
but of course, when the world shoves its ideals of money and power down our throats, it's difficult to come to our sober senses of God and His splendor.

as I spend some of my last moments with my grandfather, I begin to wonder when my glory days will come, and what they will look like.

back to basics

this girl in my honors seminar today said something that really spoke to my heart.
it went a little something like this:

"with science, I feel as though everyone is trying to all reach one goal, the same end product. with literature, I think it's just the opposite. we all begin from one starting point, and branch out from there."

it's such a simple concept, really. but when she said it, that's when I realized yet again why I love being an English major. there is no right or wrong answer. and there is so much peace and comfort in being able to let your mind wander off to the far corners of the earth without someone there to remind of said rules or regulations or technological matters that constrict you and bind you up into thinking just like everybody else.

another thing we discussed as a whole was just the notion of thinking for yourself. with literature, you're taught how to think, not what to think. and I think that's beautiful.

this isn't an attack on math&science majors by the way. I think scientists&mathematicians are quite fascinating, and what makes me think more so in that direction is the fact that I suck so much at these subjects. but that's alright with me. I'll stick to my books and pencils happily. and wait for my husband to enlighten me with mathematical equations and cool scientific facts.