trouble sleeping

jet lag.

I suppose I should be grateful.
it's the only thing that gets me awake at 6 in the morning to see the sun rise.

free me like a bird

lately, I've had an unexplainable obsession with birdcages.
something about them is exquisitely beautiful, and so tragic at the same time.

the glory days

as I gaze upon my ill-ridden grandfather in Korea, I can't help but feel an overwhelming sadness.
only about six months ago, he woke up at five in the morning to go hiking with his friends.
twenty years ago, he was still very wealthy and his health supported him.
and in the years before, he lived out his glory days.

now, it is difficult for him to move around the house, let alone walk around the great outdoors.
he's basically lost everything.
it's such a great change that I can't bring myself to accept it.

so what constitutes the period which people label "the glory days" ?

for my grandfather, it was marked by wealth, station, possessions, physical features and health. what's missing in that picture? to the world, nothing. to God, everything. the answer? salvation.
I think that as Christians, our greatest indicator should be our walks with God.
when He is the strongest factor in our lives, then that is when our lives should appear to be most glorious.
but of course, when the world shoves its ideals of money and power down our throats, it's difficult to come to our sober senses of God and His splendor.

as I spend some of my last moments with my grandfather, I begin to wonder when my glory days will come, and what they will look like.

back to basics

this girl in my honors seminar today said something that really spoke to my heart.
it went a little something like this:

"with science, I feel as though everyone is trying to all reach one goal, the same end product. with literature, I think it's just the opposite. we all begin from one starting point, and branch out from there."

it's such a simple concept, really. but when she said it, that's when I realized yet again why I love being an English major. there is no right or wrong answer. and there is so much peace and comfort in being able to let your mind wander off to the far corners of the earth without someone there to remind of said rules or regulations or technological matters that constrict you and bind you up into thinking just like everybody else.

another thing we discussed as a whole was just the notion of thinking for yourself. with literature, you're taught how to think, not what to think. and I think that's beautiful.

this isn't an attack on math&science majors by the way. I think scientists&mathematicians are quite fascinating, and what makes me think more so in that direction is the fact that I suck so much at these subjects. but that's alright with me. I'll stick to my books and pencils happily. and wait for my husband to enlighten me with mathematical equations and cool scientific facts.

like begets like

one must be very careful of whom one surrounds one's self with.
people have a great tendency to rub off on each other, you see.

move along

"some people are in your life forever,
and some are just meant to make an appearance."
-greek.

perchance to dream

I rather like the dark and brooding type.
♥.

study break

one of the writing blogs that I follow forwarded me to this site http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/feb/20/ten-rules-for-writing-fiction-part-one
where there is a compilation of the top ten rules for writing fiction by famous writers.

man, they are so funny. these are my favorites:

Take a pencil to write with on aeroplanes. Pens leak. But if the pencil breaks, you can't sharpen it on the plane, because you can't take knives with you. Therefore: take two pencils. [Margaret Atwood]

Write in the third person unless a ­really distinctive first-person voice ­offers itself irresistibly. [Jonathan Franzen]

Never complain of being misunderstood. You can choose to be understood, or you can choose not to. [David Hare]

Remember writing doesn't love you. It doesn't care. Nevertheless, it can behave with remarkable generosity. Speak well of it, encourage others, pass it on. [AL Kennedy]

Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue. The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in. But "said" is far less intrusive than "grumbled", "gasped", "cautioned", "lied". I once noticed Mary McCarthy ending a line of dialogue with "she asseverated" and had to stop reading and go to the dictionary. [Elmore Leonard]

Keep your exclamation points ­under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose. If you have the knack of playing with exclaimers the way Tom Wolfe does, you can throw them in by the handful.

Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose". This rule doesn't require an explanation. I have noticed that writers who use "suddenly" tend to exercise less control in the application of exclamation points. [Elmore Leonard]

Do not place a photograph of your ­favourite author on your desk, especially if the author is one of the famous ones who committed suicide. [Roddy Doyle]

Lock different characters/elements in a room and tell them to get on. [Andrew Motion]

The nearest I have to a rule is a Post-it on the wall in front of my desk saying "Faire et se taire" (Flaubert), which I translate for myself as "Shut up and get on with it." [Helen Simpson]

faulty vision

the grass is always greener
on the other side.
or it at least appears that way.

the bigger picture

there's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me.